What Business Schools don’t teach us – 16 Guidelines to a Happier and Fulfilled life!
Imagine a company where leaders demonstrated more patience, respect, gratitude, humility and forgiveness? How different would it be? How much more likely would such an organisation be to attract and retain talent? How much more successful would such an organisation be over the longer term? Whilst we all recognise these attributes are essential to be an effective leader, Business Schools and executive education in general have yet to embrace this opportunity and shift the focus of their curriculum.
Why? I guess it’s a lot easier to teach executives the “hard skills” – the technical skills and knowledge, analytical skills, financial modelling, business theory and strategy – don’t get me wrong, this stuff is critical to succeed in business. But it’s not enough, it does not differentiate your competitive advantage. Your source of competitive advantage are leaders who have the ability to connect with others, to be emotionally intelligent, to engage with others, to be intuitive and creative, to nurture and grow talent, to be humble and compassionate. These are the leaders that create voluntary followers – leaders we would choose to work for and with.
Let’s take his opportunity to reflect on how to create and develop leaders that make the difference. I’d like to introduce the 16 Guidelines for a Happier Life and in so doing I would like to acknowledge and recognise the amazing work done by Essential Education – a UK based organisation that focuses on developing the 16 Guidelines in how leaders, parents, educators, bring greater meaning and value into their own and others’ lives.
These 16 Guidelines are grouped into 4 themes:
- How we Think
- How we Act
- How we Relate to others
- How we find Meaning
In sharing the 16 Guidelines, a suggested definition is provided for each Guideline and more importantly, ideas on how to make the Guideline part of “how you do things”. Leadership is not about our intentions, it’s about our actions. It’s about what we choose to DO. I suggest that over the next 16 weeks, adopt a Guideline per week and do all you can to demonstrate it and make it a part of how you do things.
Let’s begin by exploring the first of the four Guidelines to, How we THINK:
Week1: HUMILITY – is about having a quite strength which allows us to learn from everybody, keeps us from being too proud and reminds us not to think or act as if we are better than other people.
Opportunity for the week: In trying to be more humble, think about when others are trying to speak with you. Do you give them your full attention or do you treat them as if they are not important enough to have your full attention. Next time this happens, stop what you are doing, make eye contact and listen carefully and take note of what happens and what you may learn from others. Give it a go.
Week 2: PATIENCE - Is going about our daily activities in a calmer state of mind. Being more in control of how we choose to react to situations – being more mindful. Patience is about having peace of mind. Being tolerant of others and knowing when the time is right and acting accordingly.
Opportunity for the week ahead: No doubt there is someone you know who irritates you. Stop and think about what it is about that person that irritates you. Think about whether that person has an attribute you find hard accepting within your self. How can you bring this insight to show greater understanding and acceptance of the other person?
Week 3: CONTENTMENT – Appreciating what we have and not being consumed by what we don’t have. To be content does not mean lacking ambition or aspiration. To be content is about accepting what is whilst working towards one’s goals and aspirations in a determined, balanced and considered manner.
Opportunity for the week: We all at times feel restless and dissatisfied. The temptation is to react impulsively. Resist. Take a couple of deep breaths and think about your current circumstances. Appreciate what you have and what you are. Now think about your choices with a more open and calmer mind.
Week 4: DELIGHT – is experiencing happiness and enjoyment for ourselves and others. When we take delight in something we are free of envy and jealousy. It’s about taking pleasure and enjoyment in what’s around you. It’s about appreciating the “now” rather than seeking “what could be” from tomorrow. It’s about sharing the joy from our own experiences and in the good fortune of others.
Opportunity for the week: Think about what happened today – can you take delight in something that happened. Think about a colleague who had a “great win”. Did you respond with the coldness of envy or the joy of sincerely celebrating their success? At the end of each day think about the moments of delight rather than dwell on the problems or issues.
Moving onto the second theme, How we Act, the 4 Guidelines include:
Week 5: KINDNESS - Bringing happiness to others by showing your appreciation and treating others well. To be kind is to be helpful to others.
Opportunity for the week: Take notice of the kind things others do for you. Show appreciation and thank them. Think about your colleagues, what are some of the little things you can do to make them feel good and bring them happiness? Notice when you make others happy, how yourself are happy. It takes no more effort to be kind than it does to be unkind.
Week 6: HONESTY - Being truthful, first to yourself and then to others. To be honest with yourself is about being true to your values. To be honest with others is about being fair and honourable in all our dealings with other people.
Opportunity for the week: Think about a situation that is playing on your mind? Could this be because you have misrepresented the truth? Could this because you have deliberately withheld or exaggerated certain information? If so, take the opportunity to represent the truth or share the missing information with the other person(s). Having an Honest conversation is honourable; having a Dishonest conversation is irresponsible and will result in unwanted consequences.
Week 7: GENEROSITY - Is about sharing what we have with others, unconditionally. More importantly, it’s about sharing your time, your kindness, your compassion and your knowledge to benefit others. Being unselfish.
Opportunity for the Week: Reflect on your level of generosity. What could you do to share more of your time, kindness, knowledge and compassion with someone/others? How could you help a colleague, family member or friend who may be going through a tough time? Spare a thought for those less fortunate than yourself, and then do something about it.
Week 8: RIGHT SPEECH - If what you are about to say is of no value or benefit to the person you are talking with or about, don’t say it. This means having honest conversations – honest conversations are about telling the truth so as to help others, not break them down. Right speech is about listening with the intent to understand rather than with the intent to respond. Right speech is about opening ourselves to learning and growth and not being defensive. Right speech is about seeking to understand rather than try be understood.
Opportunity for the Week: Think about how you come across to others – do you think others perceive you as being open to their views or defensive in your response. Reflect on the impact you have on others in terms of what you say and how you say it. Does what you say make others feel valued and respected and at the same time, know the truth?
Moving onto the 3rd theme, How we Relate to Others, the 4 Guidelines include:
Week 9: RESPECT – Simply, whether we like it not, we cannot get by on our own. We live in an interdependent world. Respect is therefore at the root of developing lasting and strong relationships with others we rely on. Respect is about valuing others – its about recognising the talents, knowledge and experience others bring that we need to get by. Most importantly, respect is about appreciating one another’s person and dignity as a fellow human being and treating one another in a way we would each wish to be treated.
What can you do to show others more respect: Take a minute to think about someone you really admire – what is about this person you admire? How does the person relate to others? How does he/she make you feel when you interact. How does this person show respect to and for others? NOW model these qualities in how you relate and interact with others. Note and observe how others respond when you model these qualities. How does it make them and you feel?
Week 10: FORGIVENESS – Along the way, we are bound to be hurt, offended or upset by others’ words or actions. We have a choice to either respond with anger and bitterness or with forgiveness. Let’s face it, it’s often a lot easier to respond in anger and bitterness. But to what end? Forgiveness allows us to bring calm and control to a situation and thereby not be controlled by others hurtful words and actions. Forgiveness does not mean we have to forget or gloss over the hurt. To forgive is to not bear the pain of carrying a grudge. To forgive is to live in the now – when we live in the past, we live in pain.
Opportunity for the Week: Think of someone who has upset or irritated you? Think about how the hurt or you being upset affects and distracts you. Why allow it too? Stop and recognise the pain? Then allow yourself to think about forgiving the other. Become less angry, discard the grudge and create space in your mind to be forgiving. As Bishop Desmond Tutu said, “To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self interest”
Week 11: GRATITUDE – Showing appreciation to others for what they have done for us – it’s those small things that others do that make such a difference. It’s about being mindful and aware of the opportunities we have, the wonderful people we work with, the special friends we have, and our loving family. Gratitude is about taking nothing for granted and accepting that we are neither independent nor self sufficient of one another.
Opportunity for the Week: Stop and look around you, appreciate the day, the sunshine (or rain). Think about how much your colleagues mean to you and how reliant you are on them to achieve your goals. Express this appreciation. Let them know what they mean to you. Look to your friends and family. Show them how special they are to you. Tell them. Give thought to your parents and think about all they did for you as a child and as you were growing up. Express this gratitude to them.
Week 12: LOYALTY – Is about being true to yourself, to your values and beliefs so that you and others benefit. Loyalty is about taking responsibility for the well being of others – family, friend and colleagues.
Opportunity for the Week: Take a few moments to think about what’s driving your thoughts and behaviour – is it all about what’s in it for you? What about the impact of your thoughts and behaviour on others? By thinking of others’ first, you take best care of yourself.
Moving onto the 4th themes, HOW we find MEANING, the 4 Guidelines include:
Week 13: PRINCIPLES – PRINCIPLES: are universal, timeless, natural laws that underpin moral and ethical human behaviour. e.g. the law of harvest – you can’t reap what you don’t sow. To be trusted you first have to be trustworthy. To be respected you first have to respect others.
Living by PRINCIPLES - Most of us want to do the right thing most of the time. Reflect on your own thinking and behaviour – are your actions and choices based on a set of moral and ethical principles or do you tend to compromise these principles to serve your own needs and wants? What principles are important to you? Do you believe that others consistently perceive and experience you as being true to your principles? If not, you know what you have to do. There is only upside.
Week 14: ASPIRATION – Strive to always dream more, learn more, do more and become more – “The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it”. Michelangelo
To ASPIRE: Success, in your job or any aspect of your life, is something that is consciously created. Anyone can be successful but too few choose to be. Place no boundaries on what is possible – believe it and all you need to do are a few smart things each day and these will stack up to unimaginable achievements over a period of time.
Week 15: SERVICE - Is about giving of ourselves to others with no expectation of anything in return. Service is about being unselfish. Service is about sharing and using your talents to benefit others. By serving others, you in time, will be served.
To be of SERVICE: Is to be attentive to the needs of those people you value most; your family, friends and team members. Think of ways you could be of service to them – the small, but meaningful gestures. Being of service to others does not mean at the expense of your own wellbeing – that’s a disservice. By being of service to others is how we find meaning and happiness in our lives. Leadership is about serving others.
week 16: COURAGE - Is about having the self confidence and belief in your own abilities. Courage is about doing the right thing despite it possibly being the more difficult thing to do. Courage is about embracing change. Only by embracing change, do we learn and grow.
Be COURAGOUS: Being courageous is about following your passions. From time to time we all have that little nagging voice in the back of our heads that says, don’t do it; I can’t; it won’t work or it’s impossible. Only you can choose to be controlled by or ignore this nagging voice. Back yourself and take a few more risks (don’t be reckless, be careful). Greatness is first a thought and then a consequence of your actions. Go for it.
As leaders we have the responsibility to create an environment in which others can flourish. To do so means we have to be mindful of how we Think, Act, Relate to others and find Meaning. The 16 Guidelines provide you with a pathway to live a happier and fulfilled life, not only for yourself but for others.
I’d welcome your thoughts and share your experiences in what you did to live out these 16 Guidelines – enjoy the journey
